About me a couple of years on from the morphine fog? Well, I still have my fibromyalgia, which is a daily battle, and I still struggle with the fatigue, but I do have less back pain until I bend down for something or if I do something like go round the supermarket when it lets me know big style that its still there *sigh*
And I still have my down days, as is to be expected, I guess. But in other ways, I am in an entirely different and much better place, and I shall be blogging about that very soon.
I started this blog with much enthusiasm about blogging about everything, but here’s the thing….when it came down to it, I just couldnt put into words all the bad stuff – simply because there was so damned much of it!! And I would think ‘who really wants to hear endless droning on about pain?’ it made me feel exhausted just thinking about writing about it, and its not the kind of thing to encourage readership.
But during the summer last year I had a kind of epiphany – or more accurately I took a long hard look at myself and my life. Its true, my life is not what it was, and never will be again, and there are days when I still mourn that – usually out of frustration – but I – ME – am still inside this fleshy covering of pain. And all those half formed ideas of rediscovering myself were there in some misguided attempt at remaking my life. HOWEVER – that could never happen could it?!?! Because while my body doesnt work the same way, the person inside cant be transplanted. And if anything, it was time to – it was an opportunity to – be more true to myself than I had possibly been since I was a child.
So, I decided to actually ‘live’ – not the life I had wanted for myself at this age – but the life that enfolded in front of me.
I didnt do this with perfect ease, I still dont, but ….but anyway – get back to the blog and start reading it again. i think you might notice a change from what I used to post, and what will be posted from now on.
There are cats still, most definitely! There will be more crafts! And chaos is guarenteed!! But there will be more of those bizarre moments that seem to strike me with alarming frequency. And there will be swearing. because I do swear – it is not intended to offend you, but if it does, just dont read.