I have had blogs before in various places in cyberspace, but I am starting a new one for a good reason. 2 years ago I had to give up my job due to ill health. I have Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition that effects all the muscles, causing severe cramps and muscle weakness. During a flare up of this I managed to slip a disc in my spine by leaning into my car. After about 8 months of getting used to my new situation and coming to terms with it all, my disc slipped again, only worse than before leading to 4 months of being bed bound and unable to do even the simplest of things for myself. A nerve was trapped, and I had to have surgery to free it and sort the disc out. The surgery happened with 48 hours notice a mere 3 weeks after we moved to an adapted house.
9 months later, I am emerging from the morphine fog, the pain and recovering my mobility and strength. Spring is finally here, the days are lengthening again, and I find myself in a kind of weird situation. I feel like a stranger in my own life. The house still needs unpacking and sorting out. I have no flooring, and the decor is someone else’s, and there are many boxes still to be sorted. It doesn’t feel like home to me.
I have no job, and will need to find one soon; I have gained weight due to the meds and the inactivity, and the last 12 months especially have aged me more than the previous 10 years did. I am not sure I recognise myself in the mirror anymore.
I am in a new area that is still largely unexplored and unfamiliar, although it is on the edge of the city I call home but I find myself isolated, lonely and wondering at times “what the hell happened?”
But now………..well, now I feel like I can begin to reclaim my life – for me. I am also aware of an opportunity here. Possibly a bigger opportunity than any I have ever had – depending on your perspective. But it’s scary, and my illness hasn’t gone away – I have good days and bad days, and so I expect it to be 2 steps forward, one step back, with probably long pauses when no steps are taken at all.
So – here I am, stepping out of the fog, stepping back into the world, and I have decided to blog about it. Partly to track my progress, partly as an affirmation that what I am doing is somewhat life changing, and partly because I expect there are others out there who have been through similar, and maybe we can find each other and help each other along.
So, a little more about me. I am short and round, I have 2 daughters that I love dearly and am good friends with, 2 cats that I adore and a new kitten, 2 guinea pigs who are getting a bit elderly, and we have a ‘new’ house that is filled with chaos and clutter and disorganisation.
I am told I am slightly eccentric, and if anyone will wear purple when they are an old lady, it will be me – probably because black and purple are my favourite colours for clothing anyway.
I love pretty things – jewellery, handbags (tho not shoes, as I find shoe shopping and underwear shopping to be a torturous ordeal) but I am also very much a ‘no frills’ kind of girl. I knit and crochet and have an enormous stash of wool, as well as numerous boxes of beads and buttons that I have plans for 🙂
I love music, and reading and banana yoghurt, and chocolate. I don’t drink but I do smoke. I can cook but I don’t enjoy it very much. I quite enjoy cleaning, but I despise putting things away and tidying up. I have a few favourite shows on TV, and I adore the internet.
I am spiritual, but not religious, and class myself as Pagan, and I believe in ghosts.
And so the blogging begins……….