Easier Said Than Done

Last week, my therapy session drifted into the zone of liking one’s self.

Hmmmmmmm.

I have been giving this a lot of thought since then, and in my usual weird way, I cannot get a real grasp of this.

I mean……..by whose standards????

Now, it’s easy to say – by your own. BUT….bear with me here…….where do our own standards come from exactly? You beginning to catch my drift?

They come from multiple and diverse places. Parents is an obvious one. Well, I seemed to perpetually disappoint mine by doing my own thing, so it’s easy to use their standards.

Other family? Ditto.

Friends? Well, many friends have their own cultural biases and expectations, and I have weeded out the friends with agendas, so the few that are left, I know they like me. I’m sure a couple of them love me, as I love them. So I guess friends are a very good standard to use, with a few exceptions. But then the exceptions aren’t really friends, are they?

People you have worked for, perhaps? Well, they must have liked you and your skill set to have employed you.

Society around us?  Yeah, well, that’s a multifaceted and complex thing in and of itself, and there are multitudes of potential standards to be derived from society at large, and it very much depends on where you are within that society as to which standards you might possibly draw from.

I’ve never really felt I belonged anywhere, to be perfectly honest. I’ve always been slightly skewiff. I wasn’t one of the mums when I first became a mum because my baby was 8 weeks early, her milestones were different, I had a c-section, so according to some I didn’t “know what it was like”.

I was an oddball at school due to my allergies and asthma, which were rare in those days, and my (pre age 12) large size.

My spiritual beliefs set me apart, even from the group of people whose beliefs take the same ‘banner’.

And now, of course, my Fibro sets me apart. Leaves me isolated.

So, what standards do I apply to this ‘liking of one’s self’??? O_o

To thine own self be true? (for want of a better phrase) well, that’s a non-starter right now, or I wouldn’t be going round in circles like I have been.

unnamedDo I like myself? The only truly honest reply I can give to that statement, is that it depends on whose eyes I view myself through. Whose standards I apply.

Because I have found it near impossible to separate which standards are truly mine, and which come from my birth family, or those I have acquired along the way, and may not even be relevent anymore

*grump*

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6 Responses to Easier Said Than Done

  1. Donna says:

    Lots to think about….I just feel it..Do not know how to explain it

    Like

  2. Trisha says:

    I never thought about this before when I wondering whether I liked myself or not. Hmmm. That does require some pondering!

    Like

  3. pedanticscouser says:

    Funny really, i saw your ‘liking’ and read it as ‘killing’ but i have just had a large glass of red wine (about 1/3 of bottle) with dinner and was about to start a rant at politicians voting against assisted suicide so that the church can be happy that people suffer their last days in missery rather than end it on their terms. BUT i re-read your blog before posting this reply, LOL.

    “My spiritual beliefs set me apart”

    ditto

    “I’ve never really felt I belonged anywhere”

    ditto, maybe that explains my desire to escape to mountains or even more mountains than i currently got 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. New Journey says:

    wow…deep thoughts on this one….my standards that I live by are the ones I set for myself…I must be able to close my eyes each night knowing that I have done the best I could, hurt no one, and tried my best to love myself….where did my standards come from…life is the best answer I can come up with, experiences I have lived through…what works for the individual…I have high standards for myself…expect more out of me than I do anyone else, as it should be…I was brought up with the standards of my parents, however I did not ever think about that until much later in life…personally I try not to dwell on this topic…really never, ever crosses my mind…thanks for making me run this great topic across the brain waves….after much thought I am happy with where I stand in life…thanks…

    Like

  5. beverley says:

    I think it very difficult to be myself, mainly for all the reasons you have listed and the fact that I am always aware that myself may offend others. But recently i have made a new friend, who actually says that i am ok just as i am and for once i feel whole.

    Like

  6. Vicky Louise says:

    Woah deep! Do I like myself is an odd thing to ponder at 10am sat here frowning at myself now! Can I settle on ‘sometimes’? I was thinking that you must like yourself if you’d be willing to be friends with someone exactly like you… but then I thought two of me would be more annoying than that little voice in my head that makes me me… I’m still no closer to an answer as to whether or not I like myself!

    Like

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