I’m not a huge Bowie fan, but the title is appropriate.
It’s 4am. I had an hour’s sleep between midnight and 1am and I have been awake since.
Yesterday was horrible. I had 2 awful nightmares and woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus several times. I felt bruised and had no energy whatsoever. I had to take my pills in 2 stages simply because I dozed off part way. Crazy fatigue. Apart from my shower once my Eldest was home, I stayed in bed all day.
But I know why I had the nightmares and physically felt like poo……stress. Plain and simple worry. How on earth did I cope with the stress levels of being a single mum who worked full time with a heavy schedule of studying and deadlines too??? 
Ah well, that was a past life. Things change. And are about to change again.
I won’t go into detail but my nerves have been stretched tight for the last 2 days. My heart has been pulled in 3 directions and I have just been on the sidelines, advising where I can. Being a parent is hard sometimes.
At 1.30am I learned of the changes to come. Not an ending, just a change. Am I relieved? Yes and no. I am sad, but I am also glad.
We had planned to go to the seaside tomorrow. It’s also my Eldest’s first day at her new job after 8 years in her old one.
But I’m not sure the trip out will happen now. But then, it might be just what we need. We’ll play it by ear, I think.
The only thing for certain in life is that things change. It’ll be ok. And I will feel better after some sleep, which I think I might be able to do now.
Xxx
Chaos, Cats and Chronic Pain 
I hope everything works out for you! And have fun with your trip and good luck to your eldest in her new job position.
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Awww thank you 🙂 We didnt make it to the seaside but we managed a short jaunt to the shops. Her first day went really well and they have already offered her an extra shift 🙂
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Yay that’s really good! I hope you had a great time anyway 🙂
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You are listening to the right wisdom in your head. We have to allow life to change. Fighting against change will make you insane.
I do not really know how we have survived as single mothers…as you have posed the question about working, worrying, being sleep deprived etc.
I am glad you are no longer having to work. I am in the midst of figuring out how to make money myself before my savings drains out…
I think you can handle whatever is going on. Motherhood is much harder than people know and single mother is harder in many ways….depending on who the husband is….sometimes we are better off on our own…
You are intelligent, and caring. You will do the right mamma things:)
Anyway, I am awake with you at 4.am due to a stomach ache, so at least you had company for a few minutes. ..
Much love,
Annie
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Thank you Annie. I agree, sometimes as parents we are better off alone. I definitely have been. Parenting is sometimes harder when your children are adults – at least when they were younger I could sort things out for them.
I wish you well with your money making ideas xx
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Ah parenting. So very difficult at times.
I am starting to believe that parenting is one of the main sources of conflict between couples. It’s ironic in some ways that two people come together to bring these little people into the world, but all the stresses of parenting and time children consume end up contributing to relationships failing. It’s no fault of the children, just the way they change peoples lives.
Whatever your changes are, I hope the best.
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Thank you 🙂 It does very much depend on the couple I think. My daughter’s father now has a new family and actually told my girls that he had to “prioritise them” even though none of them are his.
But be prepared because in some ways being a parent gets harder the more your children grow up. It is awful to not be able to sort things out for them – they have to make their own choices. We can only try to guide and be there as and when they need us.
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Yeah, my boys are still young (9 & 11), but I’m not looking forward to the later teenage years.
Your last sentence mirrors my beliefs. We have to let them make their own choices, and be able to watch them fail. But still be there to guide when possible.
I suspect it will be a difficult balance.
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huge gentle hugs to you my friend. I can’t who first said it (a French author I believe) but “the only thing constant in life is change”. And we both know that dealing with any kind of stress or change with chronic pain is 10 times harder. I have not been a true parent; however I have a young woman I think of as a daughter, with two beautiful young ones. They are going through a tough time right now and I feel helpless much of the time. I hope you do get out – for all your sakes.
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Thank you Lydia (((hugs))) it’s that helplessness that is so hard. I am a definite ‘fixer’ and yet its not up to me to do the fixing, so I just worry and guide and hug as required. Having been through similar things myself might give me the wisdom of hindsight but I also know the degrees of hurt *sigh*
Yesterday turned out much better than I expected. We didnt get to the seaside but had a quick jaunt to the shops and then a friend called in and stayed for dinner 🙂
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I am so glad it worked out better for you.
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Stress seems to effect us fibro-mites far more than the average person. I hope you get some sleep and find some peace. Some times all we can do for our family is sick on the side lines and wait and see.
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It does. And yes, we have to let them go through things, but it was so much easier when they were younger and I could swoop in to sort things out. We’ll all be ok. Thank you x
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I am sure you will – deep breath x
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Change can be good but usually stressful. Hope u get some sleep. Take care
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