I’m not a huge Bowie fan, but the title is appropriate.
It’s 4am. I had an hour’s sleep between midnight and 1am and I have been awake since.
Yesterday was horrible. I had 2 awful nightmares and woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus several times. I felt bruised and had no energy whatsoever. I had to take my pills in 2 stages simply because I dozed off part way. Crazy fatigue. Apart from my shower once my Eldest was home, I stayed in bed all day.
But I know why I had the nightmares and physically felt like poo……stress. Plain and simple worry. How on earth did I cope with the stress levels of being a single mum who worked full time with a heavy schedule of studying and deadlines too???
Ah well, that was a past life. Things change. And are about to change again.
I won’t go into detail but my nerves have been stretched tight for the last 2 days. My heart has been pulled in 3 directions and I have just been on the sidelines, advising where I can. Being a parent is hard sometimes.
At 1.30am I learned of the changes to come. Not an ending, just a change. Am I relieved? Yes and no. I am sad, but I am also glad.
We had planned to go to the seaside tomorrow. It’s also my Eldest’s first day at her new job after 8 years in her old one.
But I’m not sure the trip out will happen now. But then, it might be just what we need. We’ll play it by ear, I think.
The only thing for certain in life is that things change. It’ll be ok. And I will feel better after some sleep, which I think I might be able to do now.