Ok, Scared Now!

It’s been a long time since I had my assessments for dynamic psychotherapy and got put on the waiting list. It’s easily 9 mths, maybe even 10!!

But today I confirmed the start date for the therapy itself – first week of August. Yikes!! That is my overwhelming thought right now – yikes!!!

I know from the assessments that it’s going to be hard. I will be pulling things out to be scrutinised from long ago, not just everything that led to my breakdown last year, and I am not looking forward to that.

I am not looking forward to confronting some of the stuff that will inevitably crop up.

I was tempted to cancel the whole thing but I promised my daughters I would do this.

There’s also this weird kind of feeling that I dont want to turn myself inside out. I have found an equilibrium. It is far from ideal, it’s a very long way from the person I was before everything that happened last year, but it is still an equilibrium. Disrupting that, is scary 😦

Also, I know my blog still gets visited by certain ‘people’. I can only guess at their twisted reasons. But the upcoming process is one that I will want to blog about and I cannot let them put me off doing so.

I hope the therapy will result in things being better for me. I hope. Otherwise what’s the point?! But the process ain’t gonna be fun.

*wibble*

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18 Responses to Ok, Scared Now!

  1. gh0stpupp3t says:

    Deep breaths and a *hug*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lydiaa1614 says:

    Moongazer, I have been through years of intense therapy and it can be scary and it can be freeing. Heck, it can be both at the same time! But I can tell you that it is all well worth it in the end. I had to face some pretty crappy stuff about myself and others in my life and it didn’t always take the first time. I am here for you – if you want, I have a contact form where you can get me by email. You are an incredibly strong individual (just from what I have seen through your posts) and let’s face it, dealing with the pain we do on a regular basis is not for the weak! And you seem to have a very loving family on your side. Big hugs my friend, you can do this.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. pedanticscouser says:

    Good luck, and from a scouse perspective you don’t want to turn yourself inside out, think of the mess, all those entrails 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You’re going in with the right attitude – worth it in the end, not so fun in process. You’ve already proven your courage by making the appointment. The only person you owe now is yourself, to become as healthy as you can.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Linda says:

    You CAN do this for yourself! Good luck 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. beverley says:

    I did this and i was surprised by what came out, in fact the reason i had gone was barely even spoken about. I too wrote about some things on my blog and now one of my siblings refuses to speak to me, another one only speaks when she must, but it cleared the air between my mother and i. I would go without any fixed idea of what you want to talk about or even think about and see what happens. Good luck with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. magickmogwai says:

    Any therapy is hard and brings up a lot that we have buried, some of which we know will come up and yet more that we didn’t think about and have forgotten with time. But bringing it up, letting it see the light of day, is the only way to overcome all we have endured. You will come out the other side of this stronger and a better person. Trust that and you can get through. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Moongazer says:

    Thank you, petal. I hope so. Xxx

    Like

  9. Vicky Louise says:

    Deep breaths! I hated opening all the little doors and dusty boxes I’d tucked away in my head, but despite some doubts … okay a lot of doubts on my part, it did feel better just to talk and waffle away, clean out the cobwebs!
    I stopped seeing my therapist when she started digging deeper and it got harder for me, i couldn’t bear to bring things up so I stopped going … after many years to think about it, I wish I had let her in.
    So think positive, no matter the tears or the panic at that moment of letting it out, a moment in the not too distant future it won’t be so bad 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Moongazer says:

      Thank you (((hugs)))
      It is so reassuring to know other people have been through it and found it to be a positive thing. I’m feeling a lot less stressy about it after everyone’s input 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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