I am – it definitely has to be said – feeling decidedly growly today. Small things are pissing me off a lot. I have already had an argument with Littlun, gotten angry at son-in-law-to-be, and grouched and grumbled at my Eldest.
But I think I know why.
Although it makes some sense to me, it might not to anyone else.
Yesterday, two very dear friends were both at a hospital.
My lovely friend so far away in Cornwall was having an investigation for cancer.
And the man my daughter’s love as their step-dad had been waiting on a ward for 2 days for a specialist to say whether a shadow on a scan was cancer of the colon or not. He is family.
There were texts from both my girls to me, and texts between me and him flying back and forth most of the day. I didn’t text my friend in Cornwall as her family were with her, and at times like that I don’t like to cause a distraction. But she was very much in my thoughts.
It’s only in the last half hour, since I have chatted to her that I have felt that familiar adrenaline crash and I realise that’s why I have been so mardy.
I felt enormous relief last night when the girl’s step-dad let me know he was home finally, although he does have to have more tests 😦 But it was only when I knew my other friend was ok that the tension I hadn’t fully realised was there, trickled away.
I now feel quite wrung out.
It strikes me though, that tension has obviously been such a major feature in my life that I didn’t fully recognise it until it was gone. Most stresses are not relieved so easily, and so they build up and seem to almost become part of you. It is not a healthy way to be.
But then living with FM everyday is a big enough stressor, and one we absolutely have to get used to, or we are fighting against ourselves rather than fighting against the illness. If you see what I mean.
Ah well, there is a nice evening to look forward to tonight, as their step-dad is coming round for dinner. Sausage and mash, his favourite lol
And we have blue skies again today after the hail, thunder and drizzle of the last couple of days. You gotta love the little things when the bigger things are so ugly (she says whilst listening to the girls argue over the washing up *sigh*)