I am glad it’s over.
I hurt inside and out. I obviously did too much yesterday, even though it wasn’t much by most people’s standards.
Earlier tonight, I lifted my arm and felt two muscles tear. I should have predicted something like that because this morning, when I moved a cushion from behind me to the side of me, pain erupted from elbow to neck, collar bone to shoulder blade. Eruption is the perfect descriptor because it was hot pain, fiery. It made me cry.
Physically, I have been fit for very little today. Even sitting up was too much by 4pm.
And that state of affairs is not good for me mentally. Because I hate it. And it leads me into dark thoughts.
But inside, what was worse, was the fact that it would have been my mum’s birthday today.
I know the first year is the worst. But I felt this more keenly than I expected. I suppose I should have predicted that too.
But then it’s an area of confusion and conflict for me. Not everyone is loved unconditionally by their mother.
But the day is over. I got through it. Technically, it’s now tomorrow.
Night night xx