The End Of a Bad Day

I am glad it’s over.

I hurt inside and out. I obviously did too much yesterday, even though it wasn’t much by most people’s standards.

Earlier tonight, I lifted my arm and felt two muscles tear. I should have predicted something like that because this morning, when I moved a cushion from behind me to the side of me, pain erupted from elbow to neck, collar bone to shoulder blade. Eruption is the perfect descriptor because it was hot pain, fiery. It made me cry.

Physically, I have been fit for very little today. Even sitting up was too much by 4pm.

And that state of affairs is not good for me mentally. Because I hate it. And it leads me into dark thoughts.

But inside, what was worse, was the fact that it would have been my mum’s birthday today.

I know the first year is the worst. But I felt this more keenly than I expected. I suppose I should have predicted that too.
But then it’s an area of confusion and conflict for me. Not everyone is loved unconditionally by their mother.

But the day is over. I got through it. Technically, it’s now tomorrow. 

Night night xx

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36 Responses to The End Of a Bad Day

  1. I’m sorry that you had such a difficult day. You’re in my prayers and I hope that tomorrow is better. Hugs from Alaska! ~Cindy

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lydiaa1614 says:

    I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know the exact type of pain you are referring too. And I also know the pain and conflict regarding parents and missing them. Sending you gentle hugs and prayers for a better day. Lydia.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First of all we don’t hold our selves to a ‘normal standard’ ever, if there is even such a thing? Normal is over-rated and highly misunderstood oh hell its elusive like the Bigfoot! They are not even sure ‘Normal’ exist, so no worries there!
    I love your words they wrap me in a warm blanket of comfort often, mine are minor at best, I offer them now as the warmest blanket I have full of warmth, love, understanding, exceptance, and friendship. In hopes that even for the smallest of momments you might feel comfort, and frindship enough to smile breath it is the start of a new day! ;~)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Moongazer says:

      ((((((Lunarose)))))) Thank you. For the smile and for the beautifully warm, soft blanket. It was more than words, so dont ever think of your words as minor, I feel like you brought me a nice hot cup of tea and a hug too! Thank you xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. vpark3 says:

    Oh I am so sorry you’ve had such a crap painful day, I understand how you feel. I hope today is better for you sending healing thoughts Vicky xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. suzi says:

    you are not alone…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Take things a bit slower today. My mom has been gone 18 years and sadly it does not get easier. I have found enjoying a memory keeps her close! XOXOXO

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 100 Steps says:

    Every Feb 24 I experience the same confusion, as my father has not been in my life for over 10 years.
    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you pain wise.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Moongazer says:

      Thank you 🙂 It’s very reassuring to know it’s not just me that has this experience (((hugs)))

      Like

      • 100 Steps says:

        Definitely not! I’m sure every child who has a strained parental relationship will understand where you are coming from. It can be hard to be grateful to someone for giving you life, when they suck so badly as a parent! I am lucky enough to have a wonderful Mum to make up for my dodgy dad.
        I hope you have others you can lean on and turn to.

        Like

        • Moongazer says:

          I do, yes 🙂
          It’s a complicated situation that I’m trying to come to terms with. She died last year, and that just complicated things further.

          Like

          • 100 Steps says:

            I can only try to imagine how that feels. I guess there is always the hope, no matter how small, of reconciliation when they are still with us. Big hugs for you

            Liked by 1 person

  8. doriandean says:

    I hope for a better day for you…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. pd says:

    nothing quite like the feel of a muscle or tendon going, like an elastic band snapping in your arm. I guess haulling 2 tons of gravel down garden and pulling a full wheelie bin up hillside didnt help mine other day 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Moongazer says:

      OMG Paul! How long did that take? Please tell me you used a wheelbarrow.
      You’ll have to email me some pics of what you’re up to 🙂 or start a blog 😀
      Have you got snow up there? We’ve just got grey skies 😦
      I really miss the days I could work in the garden *sigh* so I’ll have to live vicariously through your photos 😀
      Xx

      Like

  10. Living with chronic pain causes depression and anxiety. I have chronic pain also. I have advanced arthritis, they say about 20 years beyond what I should have at 48 years old. I also have degenerative disc disease and my spine is slowly crushing down on itself. I have severe pain in my cervical spine, depending on the day , due to herniated discs that I think originated when some mean guy I used to live with hit me in the jaw and knocked my neck back.

    I really empathize with your mental suffering . On the days when the pain is severe, it feels very hopeless and it is hard to do anything. It is not fair that we have to suffer the way we do, just to do simple tasks like the laundry or the dishes.

    I hope you have some low-pain days soon 🙂
    I love your blog.
    Annie

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Moongazer says:

    Thank you 🙂
    I understand the pain of herniated discs. I had one that was pressing on my sciatic nerve and needed surgery. Only it had compressed the nerve so badly it left me with nerve damage. So now I have numbness and nerve pain. (((hugs)))
    I’m 48 this year 🙂
    I use amino acids for my depression now as anti depressants created more problems than they solved and they have been way more effective. There is one that helps with pain too – DLPA 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Tell me about amino acids. I do not know about them. Is it over the counter? Thank you
    Annie

    Liked by 1 person

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