Me Here. Me Sorry.

I am sorry if I worried anyone yesterday. After a few bad pain days I was desperate to get out yesterday, especially as the rain stopped and the sun came out. I wasn’t even going to let my broken sleep pattern stop me.
Instead it was someone else’s thoughtlessness that kept me stuck indoors again.  And I unravelled 😦

It hit me like a ton of bricks just how dependant I am on other people at the moment and I felt the frustration of that as a flood of rage – at thoughtless people, at my own stupid fibro flogged body, at how shit I feel being dependant like this……and……yeah. I cried. A lot 😥

And ranted. And swore. Copiously. Then I sulked a bit lol. Finally I slept for a couple of hours.

I upset Rory by crying. She kept making little anxious sounding chirrups at me and pawed at me a lot. Bless her. She ended up snuggling as close to me as she could.

This morning, after a mere 3 hrs sleep, the air crisp, the roofs frosty and the sun out…….I feel a bit better. But I am so damned tired!!!! I feel like I could sleep on a clothesline!  Except I can’t fall asleep. The odd 3 hrs here and there is just taking the piss.

Its making me crabby and I am having multiple random muscle twitches and spasms and on a day when I should be getting things done – I can’t. I can’t focus mentally and with this muscular tourettes thing going on,  normal functioning is just not happening.

My whole body is tender to the touch and I have a few bruises, but I haven’t knocked myself *sigh*

This post is taking forever to write.

I have distracted myself as much as poss with Etsy. I have found a wonderful shop full of vintage beads and stuff. There’s an order sitting in the checkout at the moment but I can’t bring myself to hit the button lol.

I collect the vintage stuff, you see. The stuff I have found is from a private collection and I haven’t seen some of it on sale for about 5 years. I might not see it again.

But………that will be that amount less in the car fund. Arrrgghhh!!!! *gnashes teeth*

But……I could use some of them and some from my stash to make a couple of things and make that money back.

But…..will I want to part with them???

I really……seriously…..need some sleep!!!

Thank you for the comments and hugs about yesterdays post xxx

Hopefully normal service will be resumed shortly.

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8 Responses to Me Here. Me Sorry.

  1. We all need to vent now and again, I totally understand your frustration. I also understand your need for beads and such lol, good luck with the choices there. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • Moongazer says:

      I ended up clicking the button 🙂 Although I whittled the order down a bit before I commited myself. It’s still a chunk of money, but about half the things are vintage swarovski. How could I possibly let them go???!! They are beautiful, they will cheer me up, and they can only increase in value. But I expect I may well be showing of a vintage charm bracelet in a few weeks time lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been on a similar 3 hours max at one time sleeping pattern for over a week, and to make myself more miserable I can’t nap during the day, unless I fall asleep sitting up on accident for a few minutes. It absolute does make everything worse!!! I stop thinking logically but at first I totally think I am fine until I look back at all the mistakes and bad judgement calls of the days with no sleep. Lately I’ve been taking two nearly 3 hour blocks of sleep for myself at night and trying to only be up for a an hour or so in between to relax again, when that works. Painsomnia, insomnia, it’s no fun. Fibro is such a sneaky beast of an illness with the sleep issues permeating everything on top of that! Hope you and I can both find our ways out of this sleep deprivation. It’s so hard to be productive in this weird haze! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Moongazer says:

    Oh gods, not you too!?! (((hugs))) It is just soul destroying isn’t it? I find that I begin to totally lose track of things. Not only objects but thoughts, what I am saying, what other people are saying, what I was about to do. I go into full blown idiot mode.
    I did have some success with 5htp supplements, as they increase your serotonin levels and your body makes melatonin from seratonin. But only while I was depressed. Once my depression eased they began to have the opposite effect. Apparently this happens to some people.
    I am contemplating going back to the dr for some ‘drugs’, because I can’t keep this up. But I’m loathe to do it since I weaned myself off everything except analgaesics.
    I hope you find something that helps soon xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. pd says:

    I thought 3 hours sleep at a time was normal 🙂

    You generally cant rely on people for anything, get another cat, although cats cant drive cars and take you places,, LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Trisha says:

    It’s so beyond frustrating to be unable to get out of the house when you desperately need to. I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better now, at least emotionally.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Moongazer says:

      Thank you.
      I had to chuckle today tho – my hairdresser came to do my hair and we were discussing the style because she has wanted to do it a certain way for ages. It occured to me that if it looked terrible it wouldn’t matter that much at the moment coz not that many people will see it! LOL.
      You gotta find the silver linings where you can 😛

      Liked by 1 person

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