They have a habit of repeating, don’t they?
Over and over again.
You can try to make a difference. But that’s often all you can do – try.
At least twice this year, my attempts at recovering from the nightmare that was March/April/May. (And those who were around back then know just how awful it was, how many people were affected and hurt) have been hindered as something has come along and interfered.
If I had wanted to stay in “a bad place” I wouldn’t have gone through the withdrawal of my meds, and begun the processes I am going through now. Would I?
If some people want to remain stuck and allow patterns to be repeated, then that’s up to them.
Because some things just do not change. Denial doesn’t help. Nor do excuses and lies.
Moving forward isn’t easy especially when the bedrock has shifted beneath your feet as mine did so many times this year.
And until you have been through it or something akin to it, you really haven’t got a clue.
I have no intention of going back. That includes the scenarios and the cast of chracters that played their parts.
When I did, it was because I was led to believe I could. That side of things is their fault. Their flaw. Their shame.
I would very much like certain parts of the recent past to stay in the past. They should just bugger off!! They have no point or purpose in my life in any way, shape or form. They are unwelcome.
Yet they cling of their own free will.
This blog is a part of my process. I know countless other people blog for that same reason. And I am meeting some wonderful people along the way.
Not everything in my life gets blogged about, obviously.
So, I’m leaving the patterns behind. In the nothingness where they belong. I will reflect on them from time to time, of course I will. It is part of the process. My process. My healing. And the people who are decent and who care can be a part of that. This is not some kind of spectator sport. This is not some kind of game.
On this blogging site in particular, people touch each other’s lives. They make a difference to each other. A positive difference. Here, people are not afraid to be themselves.