Tomorrow…..

Is the interment of my mum’s ashes.
It is also the anniversary of my Dad’s passing.
They will be side by side in the tiny graveyard near by brother’s house. A house where dad spent many happy hours with my brother watching the football.

I am not going. I can’t face it, for more than one reason. Although I do keep running it through my head….could I? 

I found, that it was only after Dad died that I really felt like a grown up. It was the weirdest sensation. It was after we lost him that my family fell apart. That was incomprehensible too.

But why should you accept behaviour from a sibling that you wouldn’t tolerate from other people? Just because of “blood”?
That just makes it worse, I think.

I know I am not alone in this situation. I used to be perplexed that other families weren’t close. But it’s really not strange at all. 

And my perception of what constitutes “family” has shifted.

People are just people at the end of the day. Some are good, many are anything but. All are complex. And some do things that are unforgivable. 

I’m expecting tomorrow to be hard. To face that group of people, however, would be harder still. 

But I keep thinking……should I?

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