This Takes Courage

All this therapy malarky.

I got more assessments through the post today. A set of questions that I have to give answers to based on the previous week. Hmmm.

I don’t like doing these things. It forces you to focus and concentrate on the crappiest of the crap in your head and heart and condense it down to something that can be measured.

That is not as easy as you would think.

I have my second appt with the psychiatrist next week and an appointment for the last bit of assessment the week after. But I need to change that one.

If this assessment stage is difficult, what’s the actual therapy going to be like???

I am not looking forward to this. The process of it.

I know it’s going to be traumatic at times. At worst. And uncomfortable at best.

But I have to do it. I owe it to my girls if nothing else.
But I am not looking forward to it.

I now fully understand that term ‘nervous exhaustion’ because I am exhausted emotionally. Soaked through and dripping.

I look at the form and know I have to dredge courage and determination from somewhere. Thin air again methinks.

Then I remember someone. And I find it very reassuring to know that what I am doing makes me so much stronger than they think I am. Than they are. And it makes me want to spit, that they thought I was less than them.

Well, they will get what they deserve, no doubt.

Me? I just want to get my mojo back!

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