Life is a funny thing. You can be quite happily going about your day/week/month/year and then suddenly….quite out the blue something happens and turns everything upside down.
I know that one well. Every 3 years usually. Seriously. 4 years at most, on occasion. But it’s such a regular feature of my life that once the 2 year stage has passed, I start to wonder where the next major life change is going to come from “this” time. And they always, always come.
But then, at other times, changes can happen ever so quietly. Shhhhh. These ones are subtle and usually happen within you.
The image I get in my head for these is like groundwater seeping in until a dry area becomes saturated. You dont notice until things begin to grow there again.
The journey out of depression can be like that. Recovery from pain, too.
It applies to other things as well, like falling in or out of love.
But, it also applies to other ….thought processes/feelings/beliefs etc. It’s not all that often that “lightbulb” moments happen with these things.
It is terribly frustrating though, when you can feel something shifting but can’t yet determine what it is. That’s how it is now. I can sense it, but I can’t define it.
I can’t deny that I have had some truly horrendous days this year. Those are days when nothing helps. Those are days when I’ve barely been able to think or speak or move, let alone blog. This year I have lost days and weeks and months to pain….both physical and emotional. They are gone. Lost days.
And it’s not over yet. I still have a long way to go. I know this. My loved ones know this. And I have trust and faith in them because they have trust and faith in me…..to actually do the work that needs doing. To put myself through the process so that I can get back to myself – and them – again.
I love them. So it’s a no brainer. I have to try with the intention of succeeding. No matter how hard it is for me. That is just a part of love, isn’t it.
And I am a fighter. I have dredged strength from thin air before now. And I will do it again.
I am also glad that what I am going through is unaffected by medication. My supplements do help. But I also feel more subtleties without prescribed meds. It’s more…..real, somehow. And even though I can see-saw like mad some days and my recovery is very slow…..I am recovering.
But this ever so subtle shift I can sense……I do wonder what that is. And where it will take me.