Stuff

Yis, there be a lot of stuff to sort out and sort through.

Some of it is mental/emotional….and some of it is actual stuff.

But it’s all a mess…it’s all in my way…and it all needs sorting.

Like the 2 boxes currently overflowing over there. And that pile of clothes over there.

And then of course there is the stuff under my bed, which includes 2 t-shirts that need to be shredded and/or incinerated. They are not mine. They are remnants.

I need to sort through these final bits of stuff and give them a permenant home, really.

Oh joy. How I just love doing that :-\

But at least it is straightforward.

Unlike the other stuff, that has mangled my sense of self, stability and sanity, and has repercussions for the long term; as well as the stuff that has knackered up this year; as well as the stuff that reverberates through every aspect of my life so far!! 

Those who know me well, know that I am dealing with 2 major hurts at the moment.

Essentially, I suppose, one destroyed my past and the other my present and future.

All under the guise of love.
Bonds that should have been beyond betrayal. But then, people were involved and people can be twats.

And I guess at the core of all this stuff I will be sorting out “who” I am….or finding out what’s left of me.

But I know one thing for sure….those that caused my pain are not worth any more of my love.

I take back the love I gave them so freely. They no longer have the right to claim it, even in memory. I have only contempt for them now.

They both did what they did with full awareness, and conscious choices were made. They both knew what they did was wrong and they went ahead and did it anyway.

I thought I had experienced pain before. I was wrong.

If karma exists, she will have fun, that’s for sure. Plenty to go at. I hope she is as inventive and creative in the next world and beyond as I know she can be in this.

The boxes are easily dealt with. The rest of it……I feel like it needs a flame thrower.

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