No point in doing otherwise, is there?
This year has taken it’s toll on me in just about every way. The anxiety from Feb onwards, the depression….and the completely pole-axing effect it had on me; the sleep deprivation, the daily migraines for 3 months, the stress, the withdrawal from the meds, then the grief ….etc …..of the last 5 weeks….All on top of Fibromyalgia.
Gods! When I look at it like that, its no wonder its taken its toll.
I am physically very weak. And as I tore my back muscles during a nasty spasm not long after my mum died, that hasnt helped. It is very much like being back in the early days after my surgery. Only without the morphine fog, thank the Starry Skies!!
So…I have done this before. And I can damn well do it again. I WILL get my strength back. I WILL get mobile again…..well, within the limits of my disabilities, anyway. And I WILL get back my life!!!
I need to push myself a little more each day, tiny baby steps at first. I need to listen to my body and not push myself too far – which is my usual problem; I need to get back the lovely 7 hrs sleep I had each night for just over a week from 1st of sept, until taking an anti depressant mucked it up, and bit by bit things will improve.
Today I saw an improvement. And it sounds terribly pathetic…..but its very telling of how bad things have been. How badly I have been affected. I managed a full body wash, standing at the sink AND shampoo’d my hair …all in one go, and on my own.
It left me trembling and knackered. But I did it!! Normally, it’s one or the other, or a rest in between. So….definitely an improvement.
It might seem so silly, and probably pathetic for most people reading this. But, *that* is how bad things have been. Days have passed at times without the mental/emotional or physical strength to manage even that.
I feel like I have gotten through by the skin of my teeth.
But things are changing. I am no longer carrying the enormously draining…..whatever, no longer fighting for it, and the fact I no longer give a shit……is incredibly liberating.