Was I, in fact, the other woman all along?
Well, she has my pity. As does he. Because, you know what…..it’s such a terribly pathetic way to be, is it not……having no integrity.
Shameful. Pathetic. Anything built on an untruth is bound to collapse. It doesnt take any intelligence to know that.
But to have to live with it? I am so very glad it’s not me that has to do that. There would be no more peaceful moments….ever. No single moment of pure joy to be had again. Nor the possibility of ever being truly loved. No place to belong. Nothing to be proud of….that you havent tainted. No memory untarnished.
My feelings may have been misplaced on such a failure of humanity, but at least my feelings were honest. My intent was true.
I got a snapshot. A tiny moment in time. And, you know, based on things I will not reveal, I think I really did see the best of it. And that there was truth in that tiny snapshot. So I will keep that…..but know it for exactly what it is.
But I think I hit a bit too close to the bone for comfort…..didnt I?
Oh what a tangled web we weave…
I daresay that unless it gets sold before then, the boat I helped name will be re-named in April 2015.
But nothing changes the facts.
This blog is staying. Because it catalogues a truth.
And wherever the future takes me, I happily leave in my past a cast of characters who played their part in the most emotionally devestating year of my life.
I *can* leave them behind.
Yes, I embark on a course of therapy soon. And this blog will help me through it.
In the long, dark nights to come I have my houseful here, I have my friends, and I have that bit of hope….because as shitty as parts of my life have been…..there have been glorious moments. And I was me….and I was lovable….
And before the blows of the last 5 weeks…..I was mending. Because beneath the crap of other people….I am strong.