Almost……but not quite

*sigh*

I had to give in. I slept for a couple of hours and when I woke I couldnt move for a long series of brain zaps as soon as I opened my eyes.

But I halved the 15mgs.

I slept again this afternoon. And had one smallish brain zap soon after waking.

I’ve been taking this drug for well over 2 years. Originally for my FM and the parasthesia left in my leg after my spinal surgery. So…….I *should* be more patient with the process. But I can’t be.

Partly because my body *feels* its wrongness. And partly, I guess, because those high expectations imprinted through childhood remain.

I’ve slept a lot today. I do get days like that as my body desperately insists on catching up on the sleep it usually misses. But today’s sleeps were of the healing kind. Deeper, heavier than usual. The level of sleep you don’t normally reach when you have FM. The level of sleep where your body heals and repairs.

Maybe this is part of the rebalancing process.

But – a thought occured to me earlier……what if I can’t make up the deficit? What if I am simply too late? Too old? to try and give my body the full, proper nutrients it should have had all along.

But i am feeling this from a place of real physical weakness. I have been mostly bedbound by depression, FM and hemiplegic migraine since ……mid February. My fitness ……what little I had….is gone. I can only improve from here.

I CAN only improve from here.

But getting my sleep into a better pattern has to be a priority. *laughs* but then it all seems like a priority. My mood balance/amino acids/pain relief/migraine relief/getting moving again/sleep……etc etc etc

A day at a time…..a step at a time….and *try* ….not to be so hard on myself.

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4 Responses to Almost……but not quite

  1. pauld says:

    you need to be careful, but thats easier said than done

    Like

    • Moongazer says:

      I am being careful, Paul. I have been reading around all this for weeks now.
      Before Prozac L- Tryptophan was routinely used as an anti depressant. In Germany St John’s Wort is used more than prozac. In the US melatonin is sold as a natural sleep aid. You cant get it here. But then, opiate based painkillers they dont think twice about prescribing here are class A illegal drugs in Japan.
      Fact is….we dont eat right. Fact is my body is physically unable to metabolise the correct neurotransmitters etc because I am physically unable to eat the most basic of substances that my body needs.
      And this drug is vicious. What would you have me do, my friend?
      Xx

      Like

  2. pauld says:

    Oh heck, looks like i’m coming into your blog via Newcastle these days, “ah e lad, yeh ok pet ?”, LOL

    Like

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