Good old Marillion. A line from their album Clutching At Straws.
Because another line from that album sums up today’s post. And yesterday’s battle.
“I’ll take the alternative way”
Because I always did. And when I didn’t, I should have. It’s partly why I’m somewhat on the fringes of things – ha ha!! Posh bird to some, uni drop out to others. And ne’er the twain shall meet.
You’ll find me – in the spaces in between.
So – no – I’m not playing that game anymore.
Life keeps handing me piles of steaming poo to plough through. And it keeps stealing my happiness.
Well it can go fuck itself.
It’s true – I am broken, and battle weary from decades of fighting ……to survive….sometimes literally. Fighting on behalf of and for people I love….they have been literal battles for survival too. Fighting for others who had nothing and for causes I believed in so the people who walked those paths after me would have an easier time.
It’s true – I have never been enough for any man to want by his side forever. I believe I have been truly loved…….by my forever person. I never doubted that.
But that got taken away too.
I am so grateful I got to feel that though. To experience it. It was the biggest, brightest, shiniest, warmest, deepest and most nourishing – the best of them all. And I am crying as I write this because I miss him. And because I loved him so very, very much I know it will never leave me.
And it’s true that the last 6 months have knocked me back a long way healthwise thanks to these hemi migraines.
And I am a very depressed hermit.
I’m also short and spherical, mad on cats and with a tendency to collect things.
So….Life……you owe me!! You great ugly complicated fucker up of my happiness…….you owe me big style, matey!!!!
And if I bow out now, I don’t get to collect, do I?
So – I’m taking the alternative route, thanks very much.
The people I love can still count on me.
In other news. I had noticed that a fifth – thats a whole 20% of visits to my blog are from one person.
The locations arent always accurate, its true. But I think I know who this is now. And if it is who I think it is – you are not welcome. Please go away and leave all of us alone.