Racing The Clouds Home

Good old Marillion. A line from their album Clutching At Straws.

Because another line from that album sums up today’s post. And yesterday’s battle.

“I’ll take the alternative way”

Because I always did. And when I didn’t, I should have.  It’s partly why I’m somewhat on the fringes of things – ha ha!! Posh bird to some, uni drop out to others. And ne’er the twain shall meet.

You’ll find me – in the spaces in between.

So – no – I’m not playing that game anymore.

Life keeps handing me piles of steaming poo to plough through. And it keeps stealing my happiness.

Well it can go fuck itself.

It’s true – I am broken, and battle weary from decades of fighting ……to survive….sometimes literally. Fighting on behalf of and for people I love….they have been literal battles for survival too. Fighting for others who had nothing and for causes I believed in so the people who walked those paths after me would have an easier time.

It’s true – I have never been enough for any man to want by his side forever. I believe I have been truly loved…….by my forever person. I never doubted that.
But that got taken away too.
I am so grateful I got to feel that though. To experience it. It was the biggest, brightest, shiniest, warmest, deepest and most nourishing – the best of them all. And I am crying as I write this because I miss him. And because I loved him so very, very much I know it will never leave me.

And it’s true that the last 6 months have knocked me back a long way healthwise thanks to these hemi migraines.

And I am a very depressed hermit.

I’m also short and spherical, mad on cats and with a tendency to collect things.

So….Life……you owe me!! You great ugly complicated fucker up of my happiness…….you owe me big style, matey!!!!

And if I bow out now, I don’t get to collect, do I?

So – I’m taking the alternative route, thanks very much.
The people I love can still count on me.
————————–

In other news. I had noticed that a fifth – thats a whole 20% of visits to my blog are from one person.
The locations arent always accurate, its true. But I think I know who this is now. And if it is who I think it is – you are not welcome. Please go away and leave all of us alone.

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This entry was posted in General Chaos, Karma, Up Yours Life!!!! and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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