The last bit of my last post, that is.
Maybe this is just me. Maybe I am some kind of weird anomoly in relationship terms. But when you love someone, when that particular combination of elements combine in just that particular way, its a tangible thing inside you. When its reflected from them in equal measure…….it’s like coming home. The place where you belong. Where you are understood and where everything ‘fits’.
There is commitment to loving someone. Because it also means responsibility. Hearts can be fragile.
Mine has been broken a few too many times. Not just romantically over the decades. In the last 18 mths I have been heartbroken due to family – twice. And now this makes it a hat-trick!! Yay fucking hey!!!
So – that’s 3 aspects of ‘home’ – gone.
And what makes it so much worse is I really, truly, genuinely believed me and the man, whose last words to me 4 weeks ago were “I love you”, were for keeps. Forever person.
So, imagine the head fuck when suddenly there is nothing.
And the worst of it? I DONT KNOW WHY
I DONT UNDERSTAND.
None of us do.
I have a theory. And its not the potentially obvious ones. And strangely enough its one i could get to grips with. But each day that goes by………gets harder for me – to eat, to sleep, to function.
I miss him and everything we shared and all the potential for what was to come.
I miss everything about him. Because I love him.